Blog - I'll Be Happy When...

It's never good enough! I'll be happy when I land the big contract. Why not an A+ instead of an A? I'll be happy when my partner is less stressed. I'll be happy when Covid is over. I'll be happy when I have a million dollars in the bank because then I can... and so on and so forth.

Ever notice yourself thinking anything similar? Oh, the toxic impact of the mind chatter and how it can manifest in our behavior!

There's little celebrating or rest for those with a strong Hyper-Achiever. They continually kick the can of happiness and yet fool themselves into thinking one more accomplishment or achievement will be the moment they pause to practice some basic savoring techniques. Problem is, happiness is only generated by consistent practice. I've said it before and it bears repeating - happiness is an inside game and is like a muscle that grows from use. This is the premise for Positive Intelligence™ - to maximize more ease and flow in all we do to experience more positivity, access the thrive aka "sage" part of our brain and dramatically increase our performance and well-being, not to mention help with creating thriving relationships within our sphere of influence.

Hyper-Achievers depend on constant performance and achievement for self-respect and self-validation. As a result, there can be a little too much yearning for attention and acceptance from others to fill the void. And unsustainable workaholic tendencies result in the frantic hamster wheel syndrome and detachment from others' emotional needs. We Hyper-Achievers are a hot mess huh?  

Well, I reassure you that all of the saboteurs are no picnic and are what we call "equal opportunity destroyers".

It's not all bad though. The strengths when balanced, are pretty incredible and include being:

• driven, pragmatic, adaptable, goal-oriented and self-directed
• capable of growing self and others to achieve full potential (works for me in the talent potential profession!)
• inspiring self and others towards meaningful growth and development

The lie of the Hyper-Achiever is that life is about achieving and producing results. And portraying a good image helps achieve results while feelings can be a distraction that just gets in the way.

And kicking the can of happiness to achieve more and suppress connections with others results in the exact opposite outcome of what is desired! No satisfaction!

So do any of these statements resonate with you?

• Peace and happiness are fleeting and short-lived in brief celebrations of achievement 
• Self-acceptance is continuously conditioned on the next success
• Lose touch with deeper feelings, deeper self, and ability to connect deeply with others 
• Others might be pulled into the performance vortex of the Hyper-Achiever and become similarly lopsided in their focus on external achievement 

Here are a few tips to recalibrate so you are achieving and not Hyper-Achieving to your detriment:

1. If you relate to "I'll be happy when," the first step is to become aware of the emptiness of a Hyper-Achievement-oriented fulfillment. Get brutally honest with yourself about how long you allowed yourself to notice and celebrate an accomplishment before jumping to the next item or asking yourself 'Now what' or 'Then What.'

2. Contemplate the cost of depending on others' attention, acceptance, and validation. This can be a very difficult acceptance for most; many people don't want to admit or be honest with themselves that they have a high need for external validation.

3. Contemplate and reframe how you are giving away your power and ultimate impact by pushing yourself to the limits with projects or performance goals. What's it costing you in your relationships, highest impact and well-being. How may you be more unconditional in how you demonstrate self-love and empathy for yourself?

4. Since the Hyper-Achiever results in lower achievement (by focusing on quantity instead of quality), how can you incorporate more fun and levity into your role? Ever try turning projects or tasks into a game for yourself? It's ok to be passionate about winning while being less attached to the outcomes. This letting go will liberate and likely produce the opposite result in more desirable outcomes.

5. To be fully self-actualized requires knowing yourself. And this also requires being honest, open and willing with yourself too!

6.  Understanding your emotions and allowing time to process them will help you know yourself more deeply and move up the ladder to a more desirable emotion.

7.  Use meditation, mindfulness practices or better yet - explore the many different varieties of PQ reps that can be used to get grounded and activate the executive part of your brain. 

If you're feeling stuck, curious, or might benefit from accountability and more ideas, let's connect!  Click the button below to schedule your complimentary strategy session and come to the call with a challenge or opportunity!